“Forced marriage” and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when they aren’t sure about the partner, aren’t ready for marriage, or are uncertain of their sexual orientation? How do young people know that they are ready for marriage, and what barriers might impede informed consent? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in a discussion about this controversial topic.

Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism!

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

In Episode #30 of Intimate Judaism, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn answer practical sex questions from listeners. Among the subjects covered are:

Can a couple experience sexual pleasure when intercourse is medically inadvisable?
Why must couples get the first time “over with” on the wedding night? (Or must they?)
Is it permissible to masturbate when your wife is a Niddah?
May women fantasize?
Does enjoying anal play mean I’m gay? … and much more.

Listen and share this special episode, and make sure to subscribe today.

Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism!

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is what has allowed abuse victims to survive, and the idea of “relinquishing control and getting lost in the moment” can be terrifying. Rather than associate physical intimacy with pleasure and connection, sex can trigger feelings of shame, disgust, aversion, and pain.

Healing from sexual abuse in order to experience emotional and physical intimacy in a healthy way can be a long and difficult process. Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they speak candidly about this difficult reality.

Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism!

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Organizations in Israel:

Tahel Crisis Center
https://crisiscenter.org.il

Magen
support@magen-israel.org

Amudim
https://www.amudim.org.il

Organizations in the UK:

Migdal Emuna
www.migdalemunah.org

Organizations in Australia:

http://www.tzedek.org.au/

Organizations in the United States:

Jewish Community Watch

https://www.jewishcommunitywatch.org/get-help/jcw-resources/

Relevant Books (Please click to order):

1. Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

2. Stolen Tomorrows by Steven and Abby Levenkron

3. The Courage to Heal… by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

4. The Courage to Heal Workbook by Laura Davis

5. The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz

6. Treating the Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Jody Davies & Mary Frawley

7. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Orthodox girls and women are traditionally taught to dress modestly in order to avoid attracting the male gaze and to keep men from sinful thoughts or behaviors. These messages, according to Rabbanit Oriya Mevorach, an educator and doctoral student of Gender and Philosophy, objectify and sexualize women and girls, and are actually influenced by Western society’s sexuality discourse. Moreover, the effect of these messages present men as sexual beings while female sexuality is ignored.

Rabbanit Mevorach, who studies sexuality and culture, presents an alternate approach to teaching modesty to young women in their teenage and young adult years. She also discusses what Jewish law has to say about female masturbation.

If you enjoy Intimate Judaism, you can receive bonus material, extra episodes, merch, and more by becoming an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber!

For a very small monthly payment – and you decide how much or how little to contribute – you can get the extras while supporting Intimate Judaism’s work in bringing frank discussions of Judaism and intimacy to a wide audience.

Go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism and sign up today!

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with religious life.

In this bonus episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum speak candidly with Rav Benny about reconciling religious and homosexual or transgender identities, and how to promote greater acceptance and inclusion of LGBTQ individuals and couples in Orthodox communities.

To read Rav Benny’s original Hebrew article, go to https://www.facebook.com/Dr.Benny.Lau/posts/3338571199554276

Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism!

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.

Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejaculates, he loses some aspects of the vitality, or life force, and Taoist practices include learning to delay ejaculation, thereby increasing energy as well as enhancing the sexual experience.

While these practices have pagan origins and sound antithetical to our tradition, Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer, Tantric and Taoist religious sex instructors from Zfat, say “When you see wisdom amongst the nations, you may believe it,” and describe how they merge these practices with a Jewish approach to sex and intimacy.

Join this exciting episode as the Schumers speak with Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum.

If you enjoy Intimate Judaism, you can receive bonus material, extra episodes, merch, and more by becoming an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber!

For a very small monthly payment – and you decide how much or how little to contribute – you can get the extras while supporting Intimate Judaism’s work in bringing frank discussions of Judaism and intimacy to a wide audience.

Go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism and sign up today!

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Visit Yiscah and Yehonatan Schumer’s website at www.kelimshloovim.co.il.

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person’s sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt.

When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose?

How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt?

Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to create a sense of empowerment?

Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they tackle these and other timely questions.

Masechet Avoda Zara 17a

אמרו עליו על רבי אלעזר בן דורדיא שלא הניח זונה אחת בעולם שלא בא עליה. פעם אחת שמע שיש זונה אחת בכרכי הים והיתה נוטלת כיס דינרין בשכרה. נטל כיס דינרין והלך ועבר עליה שבעה נהרות. בשעת הרגל דבר הפיחה; אמרה כשם שהפיחה זו אינה חוזרת למקומה כך אלעזר בן דורדיא אין מקבלין אותו בתשובה. הלך וישב בין שני הרים וגבעות אמר הרים וגבעות בקשו עלי רחמים אמרו לו עד שאנו מבקשים עליך נבקש על עצמנו שנאמר, ‘כי ההרים ימושו והגבעות תמוטינה.’ אמר שמים וארץ בקשו עלי רחמים אמרו עד שאנו מבקשים עליך נבקש על עצמנו שנאמר, ‘כי שמים כעשן נמלחו והארץ כבגד תבלה.’ אמר חמה ולבנה בקשו עלי רחמים אמרו לו עד שאנו מבקשים עליך נבקש על עצמנו שנאמר, ‘וחפרה הלבנה ובושה החמה.’ אמר כוכבים ומזלות בקשו עלי רחמים אמרו לו עד שאנו מבקשים עליך נבקש על עצמנו שנאמר, ‘ונמקו כל צבא השמים.’ אמר אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי! הניח ראשו בין ברכיו וגעה בבכיה עד שיצתה נשמתו. יצתה בת קול ואמרה רבי אלעזר בן דורדיא מזומן לחיי העולם הבא… בכה רבי ואמר יש קונה עולמו בכמה שנים ויש קונה עולמו בשעה אחת ואמר רבי לא דיין לבעלי תשובה שמקבלין אותן אלא שקורין אותן רבי.

It was said about Rabbi Eleazar ben Durdaya that there wasn’t a single prostitute in the world with whom he didn’t have intercourse. One time he heard about one prostitute in the islands of the sea who would take a purse of coins as payment. He took a purse of coins, went, and crossed seven rivers to reach her. While they were having sex she passed gas, and said, “Just as this gas won’t return to its place, so Eleazar ben Durdaya will never be accepted as a penitent.” He went and sat between two mountains and hills and said, Mountains and hills, request mercy for me! They answered, before we ask for mercy for you we need to ask it for ourselves… He said, Sky and earth, request mercy for me! They answered, before we ask for mercy for you we need to ask it for ourselves… He said, Sun and moon, request mercy for me! They answered, before we ask for mercy for you we need to ask it for ourselves… He said, Stars and constellations, request mercy for me! They answered, before we ask for mercy for you we need to ask it for ourselves… He then said, the matter is dependent upon me alone. He placed his head between his knees, and cried out in agonized cries until his soul left him. A heavenly voice proclaimed, “Rabbi Eleazar ben Durdaya has earned the life of the World to Come!” Rebbe cried and said, some acquire their world over several years, and there are those who acquire their world in a single hour. Rebbe also said, It’s not enough that penitents are accepted, but they’re even called “Rabbi.”

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality  respectively. But many listeners had further questions about sexual functioning in men-particularly with regard to “performance anxiety”- and asked us to discuss the topic in more detail.

Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in this bonus episode, as they discuss the factors that can contribute to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation, and how religious and social pressure can contribute to these conditions.

Support Intimate Judaism by becoming an Intimate Judaism patron on Patron! Go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism   to get exclusive access, merch, and more.

Masechet Yevamot 53b

אנוס דמתניתין היכי דמי? אילימא כשאנסוהו עובדי כוכבים ובא עליה; והאמר רבא אין אונס לערוה לפי שאין קישוי אלא לדעת! אלא בישן; והאמר רב יהודה ישן לא קנה ביבמתו!…

What is the case of [male intercourse] against his will as mentioned in the Mishnah? If you say that he was forced by idolaters and had intercourse with her – but didn’t Rava say that there can be no forcing a man to have illicit sex, as there can be no erection without knowledge! Rather, [the Mishnah must be speaking about ] a man who is sleeping – but didn’t Rav Yehudah say that a sleeping person cannot acquire his brother’s widow [in a case of levirate marriage]!… 

Tosafot, Yevamot 53b, on “There can be no forcing a man to have illicit sex”

אין אונס לערוה שאין קישוי אלא לדעת. אין לפרש במאיימין עליו להורגו אם לא יבא בעצמו על הערוה דאם כן אפילו יש קישוי שלא לדעת תיפוק ליה דאגילוי עריות יהרג ואל יעבור כדאמר בפרק בן סורר אלא איירי כשעובדי כוכבים מדביקים אותו על הערוה ואי אפשר לו להשמט אם לא על ידי שיהרג וקאמר רבא דיש לו למסור עצמו ליהרג אם יודע שאי אפשר לו אם לא יתקשה דאין קישוי אלא לדעת וחשיב כעושה מעשה אבל אם יש קישוי שלא לדעת או שהיה כבר מקושה או שיודע שלא יתקשה אין חייב למסור עצמו כיון שהוא אינו עושה שום מעשה והוי כקרקע עולם כדאמר בבן סורר גבי אסתר דקרקע עולם היתה…

There can be no forcing a man to have illicit sex, as there can be no erection without knowledge. One should not explain this as referring to idolaters threatening him with death if he does not allow himself to have forbidden intercourse… Rather it refers to a case when idolaters physically push him upon the person [who is forbidden to him] and he cannot escape without being killed. Rava says that in this case, he must allow himself to be killed if he knows that he will inevitably have an erection, for there is no erection without knowledge and it is considered like doing an action [rather than remaining passive]. But if he has an erection without knowledge, or if he already had an erection beforehand,  or if he knows that he will not get an erection, he is not obligated to be killed since he is not doing any action, and he is rather like the ground of the earth [i.e., a passive participant], as is said in Masechet Sanhedrin regarding Esther, who was like the ground of the earth…

Chidushei haRamban on Yevamot 53b:

…אלא הא דרבא משכחת לה כגון שתקפתו אשה וקרבתו לעצמה לאונסו, או שדבקו אותו עכו”ם לערוה ואין שם פחד מיתה דכיון דליכא אונס דגופיה אע”פ שדבקום זה לזה ובא עליה חייב, שאלמלא דעתו עליה לא היה אפשר לו לבעול שאין קישוי אלא לדעת.

… Rather, the case of Rava [where a man cannot be “forced” to have sex] occurs in a case such as when a woman brings a man close to her against his will, or when idolaters push him onto a woman forbidden to him – and he has no fear of death, as no one is physically forcing him [i.e., on pain of death] – even though they had intercourse after being physically pushed together, he is nonetheless liable. For if he had not been thinking about this woman [sexually], he could not have had intercourse, for there is no erection that is unwilling. [Meaning, if he had an erection, it is considered a voluntary act.]

Support Intimate Judaism by joining Patreon! While helping to grow the podcast you’ll also gain access to additional episodes, merch, and more. Check it out at https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism.

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Men are sexually assertive, they constantly think about and want sex, and their masculinity is determined by the frequency of their sexual conquests and their performance. This stereotype is perpetuated by the media in Western culture. Jewish sources, on the other hand, acknowledge the power of the male sexual drive, but require men to direct this drive exclusively towards marital relations. The expectation to live up to contemporary societal expectations of masculinity, to struggle with forbidden sexual arousal, yet be commanded when appropriate to perform sexually with one’s wife, may contribute to feelings of confusion, frustration, and anxiety.

Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn as they lead a panel discussion about male sexuality. They discuss the love/lust split, sex outside of marriage among religious men, mindfulness for the treatment of sexual performance anxiety, creating meaningful and enjoyable sex within marriage, and much more.

Click on the link below to watch the panel discussion on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9jQKng5HWY

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.

Intimate Judaism’s recent ZOOM live panel (https://www.intimatejudaism.com/unorthodox-intimacy-and-authenticity-how-accurate-is-the-netflix-series-portrayal-of-chasidic-intimacy-episode-21/) aroused a great deal of interest and discussion. Many of our listeners wrote in describing their experiences, and in this bonus episode, Brooklyn trauma therapist Chaya Feuerman relates how the messages she received from her own kallah teacher shaped her negative beliefs about sexuality.

Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss premarital sexual education, wedding night anxiety, what to do about painful sex, and the tension between maintaining cultural sensitivity while promoting sexual health and autonomy.

Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner will help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.